Since when did I start writing for Love or Dating?
I ain’t no love guru if that is what you’re thinking but I thought I should share some of the stories I’ve heard, experienced about dating or that sort of things.
Lemme tell you something. I have never had a serious relationship, nor never even had one that I can truly call a boyfriend. But I’d like to think that I quiet know something about it. Truth is, the newbie is actually a master. Learning from all of my friend’s experience, I spent so much time listening to their stories and actually, surprisingly think that I can give a good advice when it comes to this aspect.
You might be thinking right now about why on earth would I listen to you or why the hell you think you are right? Well. Hate to break it to you. But I’m not. It’s completely up to you if you want to keep reading and scroll down but something tells me that you opened this thinking it could be helpful to you in some way.
Almost four years in university and I only had my eye on one guy. ONE. I was loyal. I was in my second year in college when my friend introduced me to this guy which I think we should name as “Mr. Nice A$sh*”, you see, he is exactly the typical nice guy you see in uni, we have the same circle of friends, but never even once had the chance to actually hang out together. Over the year I drew much more attraction to him it’s not even real to like someone like that. But Mr. Nice A$sh is not only nice on the outside but he happens to be such a fucking hard to get kind of guy. Which made me think years after those admiration how ridiculously I looked during those times.
It’s not even a secret that I liked him, my friends know, his friends know, a professor even knows, the whole world knows about it except as he pretends to be “doesn’t know”. Bullshit. Big fat lie. Don’t buy it. I find it nowadays how amazing it is that women can be liberal when it comes to love and affection. How graceful they can show their feelings towards the opposite sex. Problem is, that’s not how I feel back then. I was naive and insecure thinking that what if he doesn’t like me because I am that, that, that, or I am not that, that, that. It drove me crazy for nearly four years. Thank God it’s over now and I’ve finally come to light and reality that I was too blind to see before. Clearly, HE IS NOT INTO ME. Period.
I was having a conversation the other day with my two flatmates about the millennial dating. The first friend of mine showed me all the screenshots of the conversation she had with this guy, lets call him “Mr. Questionable Behavior”, She goes like, “Do you think what he’s saying is real or not?”, Recalling to what I just read the guy is saying “I like you” to her, “I wanted to know you better”, the thing is, she does not believe in him. This good friend of mine happens to be very old-fashioned when it comes to this things, and I like it, I admire the way she stands for what she believes in. She is simply saying that how can you like me when you don’t even know me yet. As far as I have remembered, they went to a coffee date once and before Mr. Questional Behavior went for two months holiday. After that, he still kept in touch with her, occasionally updating her on what he is doing, sending photos and checking her out from time to time. She’s responding obviously but not as eager as he is.
The question still lies as to whether what he said is real or not? “I like you… I want to get to know you.” What struck me most is the answer of my other friend, she said. “He likes you. Otherwise, he won’t even bother to send these messages. He is saying he likes you and wants to get to know you, get that? Men today are screwed up, they even have this acting like a gentleman trick, waiting for you to get bored of them so you will be the first one to stop responding to whatever texts messages or Whatsapp it is. In that way, they won’t look like that they are the asshole.”
What she said made a whole lot of sense to me. I had this situation a week ago. Where I was supposed to go to a Filipino dish dinner with this man, let’s just say I was really looking forward to it because he was the first guy ever to show interest on what I like, living abroad is tough. Missing real food back home is something we always crave of, so when this guy asked me out for Filipino food dinner I got so excited. Like, drooling nervously excited because what if I showed too much of myself towards the food and drives him crazy that he might run away from me and never speak to me again.
Twenty minutes before the actual meet up, and while I was putting my shoes on, he sent me a message saying he couldn’t make it because he had to work and might be late if he showed up, has to shower then meet me, we can meet up over the weekend if I would like or something like that. I’m like “coool coool cool” (Jake Peralta style y’all), kidding, slightly disappointed I managed to respond with a consideration, the guy just moved to the city, first job so I gotta be understanding right?, So I said that it’s okay and everything is fine. I think he replied once more after that but I know I didn’t. I thought, why would he take 20 minutes before the meet up to cancel? Me being the last one not to respond to the message is me testing the guy to send me another one to correct my conclusion if he really likes to meet me or not.
But I’m right that’s as of today. The weekend passed by and no message at all. Again, it’s because HE IS NOT INTO ME.
The problem is, WE, including myself, romanticize everything that a person does to us, it’s like when someone shows a little interest, we go crazy like “Oh my God he likes me already”, “oH myGod I can’t live without him.”, Think about him, obsess about him or shit like that. In short, we put ourselves into this situation where we lose part of our reality to a temporary feeling of happiness towards someone when in fact, all they did is say Hi to you.
Reality check and quoting one of my favourite movies, “that if a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what.”, He’s Just Not That Into You, great movie by the way.
Here’s some of the most realistic list that he/she is not into you:
- ONE-LINER REPLY IS ALREADY A RED SIGN.
- SAYING YOU’LL HANGOUT BUT NEVER ACTUALLY MADE A COMMITTED TIME AND DATE.
- LAST MINUTE CANCELLATIONS ARE ALWAYS A SIGN. DROP IT ALREADY.
- NO MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION FROM ALL THE TIME YOU’VE BEEN HANGING OUT. – BUMMER
- CALLING YOU WHEN HE/SHE IS BORED BUT NEVER WHEN BUSY.
But when he/she is into you:
- He/She makes it happen. No excuses. No bullshit stories.
This happened not just from a girl perspective, but even in guys. We are all human, it will happen no matter what we do because that is part of life. We meet people who will teach us a lesson, show us what we have been missing and what possibilities could happen. The most gorgeous man can meet an average girl, but she will never be into him, the nicest girl can wait for as long as she wants for a guy that she likes but he will never be into her, you can give all the best that you could for love, but that person still will never be able to give it back to you. Why??? We all have our own idea of what we want. Strange how far we want to go to give it a try for them. But we all know they’re much willing to go far beyond for someone else or something else.
We won’t know that until we have come to our own realization. Later on, you’ll learn how to laugh it off, that’s how it is and that’s how it goes.
Going back to my good friend and Mr. Questionable Behavior, just go with the flow and enjoy what is in front of you. If we over think everything we will lose it and that’s a shame to ruin something that could possibly be beautiful.
Also, so what if that person is not into you. There’s always the next person, the next guy, the next girl. What’s the worst thing that could happen? You will be disappointed, you will hate that person for a little while, you will move on and get going with your life.
The plane is still leaving with or without you in it.