He’s never into you

Since when did I start writing for Love or  Dating?

I ain’t no love guru if that is what you’re thinking but I thought I should share some of the stories I’ve heard, experienced about dating or that sort of things.

Lemme tell you something. I have never had a serious relationship, nor never even had one that I can truly call a boyfriend. But I’d like to think that I quiet know something about it. Truth is, the newbie is actually a master. Learning from all of my friend’s experience, I spent so much time listening to their stories and actually, surprisingly think that I can give a good advice when it comes to this aspect.

You might be thinking right now about why on earth would I listen to you or why the hell you think you are right? Well. Hate to break it to you. But I’m not. It’s completely up to you if you want to keep reading and scroll down but something tells me that you opened this thinking it could be helpful to you in some way.

Almost four years in university and I only had my eye on one guy. ONE. I was loyal. I was in my second year in college when my friend introduced me to this guy which I think we should name as “Mr. Nice A$sh*”, you see, he is exactly the typical nice guy you see in uni, we have the same circle of friends, but never even once had the chance to actually hang out together. Over the year I drew much more attraction to him it’s not even real to like someone like that. But Mr. Nice A$sh is not only nice on the outside but he happens to be such a fucking hard to get kind of guy. Which made me think years after those admiration how ridiculously I looked during those times.

It’s not even a secret that I liked him, my friends know, his friends know, a professor even knows, the whole world knows about it except as he pretends to be “doesn’t know”. Bullshit. Big fat lie. Don’t buy it. I find it nowadays how amazing it is that women can be liberal when it comes to love and affection. How graceful they can show their feelings towards the opposite sex. Problem is, that’s not how I feel back then. I was naive and insecure thinking that what if he doesn’t like me because I am that, that, that, or I am not that, that, that. It drove me crazy for nearly four years. Thank God it’s over now and I’ve finally come to light and reality that I was too blind to see before. Clearly, HE IS NOT INTO ME. Period.

I was having a conversation the other day with my two flatmates about the millennial dating. The first friend of mine showed me all the screenshots of the conversation she had with this guy, lets call him “Mr. Questionable Behavior”, She goes like, “Do you think what he’s saying is real or not?”, Recalling to what I just read the guy is saying “I like you” to her, “I wanted to know you better”, the thing is, she does not believe in him. This good friend of mine happens to be very old-fashioned when it comes to this things, and I like it, I admire the way she stands for what she believes in. She is simply saying that how can you like me when you don’t even know me yet. As far as I have remembered, they went to a coffee date once and before Mr. Questional Behavior went for two months holiday. After that, he still kept in touch with her, occasionally updating her on what he is doing, sending photos and checking her out from time to time. She’s responding obviously but not as eager as he is.

The question still lies as to whether what he said is real or not? “I like you… I want to get to know you.” What struck me most is the answer of my other friend, she said. “He likes you. Otherwise, he won’t even bother to send these messages. He is saying he likes you and wants to get to know you, get that? Men today are screwed up, they even have this acting like a gentleman trick, waiting for you to get bored of them so you will be the first one to stop responding to whatever texts messages or Whatsapp it is. In that way, they won’t look like that they are the asshole.”

What she said made a whole lot of sense to me. I had this situation a week ago. Where I was supposed to go to a Filipino dish dinner with this man, let’s just say I was really looking forward to it because he was the first guy ever to show interest on what I like, living abroad is tough. Missing real food back home is something we always crave of, so when this guy asked me out for Filipino food dinner I got so excited. Like, drooling nervously excited because what if I showed too much of myself towards the food and drives him crazy that he might run away from me and never speak to me again.

Twenty minutes before the actual meet up, and while I was putting my shoes on, he sent me a message saying he couldn’t make it because he had to work and might be late if he showed up, has to shower then meet me, we can meet up over the weekend if I would like or something like that. I’m like “coool coool cool” (Jake Peralta style y’all), kidding, slightly disappointed I managed to respond with a consideration, the guy just moved to the city, first job so I gotta be understanding right?, So I said that it’s okay and everything is fine. I think he replied once more after that but I know I didn’t. I thought, why would he take 20 minutes before the meet up to cancel? Me being the last one not to respond to the message is me testing the guy to send me another one to correct my conclusion if he really likes to meet me or not.

But I’m right that’s as of today. The weekend passed by and no message at all. Again, it’s because HE IS NOT INTO ME.

The problem is, WE, including myself, romanticize everything that a person does to us, it’s like when someone shows a little interest, we go crazy like “Oh my God he likes me already”, “oH myGod I can’t live without him.”, Think about him, obsess about him or shit like that. In short, we put ourselves into this situation where we lose part of our reality to a temporary feeling of happiness towards someone when in fact, all they did is say Hi to you.

Reality check and quoting one of my favourite movies, “that if a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what.”, He’s Just Not That Into You, great movie by the way.

Here’s some of the most realistic list that he/she is not into you:

  1. ONE-LINER REPLY IS ALREADY A RED SIGN.
  2. SAYING YOU’LL HANGOUT BUT NEVER ACTUALLY MADE A COMMITTED TIME AND DATE.
  3. LAST MINUTE CANCELLATIONS ARE ALWAYS A SIGN. DROP IT ALREADY.
  4. NO MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION FROM ALL THE TIME YOU’VE BEEN HANGING OUT. – BUMMER
  5. CALLING YOU WHEN HE/SHE IS BORED BUT NEVER WHEN BUSY.

But when he/she is into you:

  1. He/She makes it happen. No excuses. No bullshit stories.

This happened not just from a girl perspective, but even in guys. We are all human, it will happen no matter what we do because that is part of life. We meet people who will teach us a lesson, show us what we have been missing and what possibilities could happen. The most gorgeous man can meet an average girl, but she will never be into him, the nicest girl can wait for as long as she wants for a guy that she likes but he will never be into her, you can give all the best that you could for love, but that person still will never be able to give it back to you. Why??? We all have our own idea of what we want. Strange how far we want to go to give it a try for them. But we all know they’re much willing to go far beyond for someone else or something else.

We won’t know that until we have come to our own realization. Later on, you’ll learn how to laugh it off, that’s how it is and that’s how it goes.

Going back to my good friend and Mr. Questionable Behavior, just go with the flow and enjoy what is in front of you. If we over think everything we will lose it and that’s a shame to ruin something that could possibly be beautiful.

Also, so what if that person is not into you. There’s always the next person, the next guy, the next girl. What’s the worst thing that could happen? You will be disappointed, you will hate that person for a little while, you will move on and get going with your life.

The plane is still leaving with or without you in it.

lmse

 

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Time to start doing what you Love to do

A few days ago, one of my colleague asked me if what was my ultimate childhood dream? I could not answer for few minutes, and she was like “C’mon you must have something you’d like to be when you were a kid.” For sure there is, as confused as I was, I thought  of it.

There was a time that I wanted to be a teacher, like my other sisters, and then at ten, I wanted to be a fashion designer, but my drawings were so bad, so I have to dropped that one. Anyway, growing up, I guess, you will eventually figure out what you want.

High school days, I was so fascinated with photography and writings, I was quite competitive back then, joining every single photojournalism contests in school, and never even once won the first place. Bummer. They say, ‘never say never’. Because it’s one big reason why I took Mass Communication. Although my Dad (Dad I love you for doing this) tried to push me into Accounting but lets just say, true friends would know how bad I am at Math. (First semester all failed, I’m seriously not good in anything, I feel) so if people ask me, what is my talent? I’ll just simply say that I’m friendly. Resume, Talent: Friendly.

Officially, I grew so much love into photography and writing in university, until all my dreams became real to me, what I really wanted to be is a to be a Film Director, to tell real stories.  I dream of one day writing my own screenplay and be able to produce an Independent Film.

That’s it.  That’s my dream. Seems simple to be back then until life gets into me. Adulthood, is a real thing. Before I don’t care about this, didn’t even think where am I getting my fund for this film? How am I even gonna start? Where and when can I start?  Reality is not that easy.

I got a job in an events company after graduating in college, little did I know it will change the way I think and the way I see myself. I still want to be that Film Director and that screenplay writer. But I also need security for myself, and that time, all I have is that stable job, little did I know the passion I have for the things that I’d love to do is slowly disappearing.

I see my friends who struggle for a long time, stressing over work, just like us, fighting the battle that no one ever hold off. Between stability over passion? My question is, why can’t we have both? Some of us, are lucky enough to do the work they love, and some of us, just aren’t. These friends of mine inspire me everyday, to push forward and have belief.

So, I’d say, if you know what you love to do but unable to do so right now, start at something to make it happen. Right now, I am working on this WordPress, I got no readers except for my ever loyal friends, (wink to five of you, you know who you are). But that does not matter, it means I am doing something that will make me feel alive. Somehow, I find it very helpful.

I am scared that I might look back 10 years from now and realize that I did not even try. (*You don’t want to disappoint your future self like that*). Any dream, is worth the effort, the hard work and a long queue of not giving up until it happen. Some may take long, some might be happening and living the dream right now, if you are, please appreciate it and never take it for granted. I hope you find inspiration and the drive to have it fulfill, for your future self, and for that childhood dreams that were pure and meaningful.

Baby steps and start at something.

Something beautiful is on its way.

My inbox is open, my email is heidibolisayatgmaildotcom talk to me if you want to, maybe we can share the same thoughts, help each other or just simple talk.

If you’re struggling with the same, I would love to hear from you.

Till next time.

 

Love always,

lmse

Love at first sight in Bali

Hey you guys.
I am happy to be back writing and to share with you a great story of my recent travel to Bali, Indonesia. To anyone who knew me personally, you know that I’d rather choose to go into a tropical place than out in a city, for so many reason the only thing that I could come up right now is…Hunger for real paradise.
Bali is not a disappointment. There I found what I’ve been looking for. The culture, the atmosphere, the lifestyle, the people, adventure, the general vibe of Bali is as exciting as the next episode of my favorite TV series.
Although, this short trip to Bali is a bit of combination of good and bad events, all the mischiefs, adventure and banter moments with my two best friends, Kim & Pat will be treasured, and I’ll make sure to have it well written and be shared.
Disclaimer: I know that there’s a lot of useful blogs about Bali that you can find in the web especially on Youtube, Instagram, and written blogs are everywhere so I am not gonna try to give you point by point details about it, because even I suck at this. Haha what I’m gonna do is trying to tell you a story, my own version of story of this little adventure we had in Bali.
Get a snack or something cos’ this might probably take a bit of your time, sure you’ll get bored, but I am going to try to entertain you. Like I always do, 😉
That is my bestfriend, Pat (left), Kim (middle), and me on the right, trying to imitate a lovely picture of some models we found on IG looking chick and all in their hotel robe, but obviously we failed. Miserably, well… except for Kim, who look fantastic in that pose.
That’s the night after our one-day trip to Nusa Penida.
Do you ever want to go travelling alone but scared to do so because you’ve no idea where or what or how to start? That’s so me. Except for the (sometimes) lack of time because of my work commitment. I’ve always felt scared to just do it you know? Until this opportunity comes around.
This is the first day in Bali, as I’ve decided to go to Uluwatu Temple, to see the traditional dance that they have, I was told at the hotel that it is at 6’oclock, little miss, is late as usual. When I got there it already started, so I’ve decided to just stroll around the area.
Can’t blame myself for being late, that was a long 12-hour flight from Dubai-Singapore-Indonesia.
Then I saw this.
Wow.
Might have missed the show, but definitely won’t miss Uluwatu sunset. Life privilege to just sit in silence at the end of that cliff, in awe of the view, sunset slowly disappearing from this calm ocean, left with just a ray of sunset light dancing in the water shore.
Day 2, I call the sweet nightmare.
By the way, I made it to that show last night, and only stayed for five minutes. Turned out to be a traditional comedy show, but glad I’ve seen it.
The exact moment when I told myself, this is a good life.
This place is beautiful and peaceful. I could stay here and just write, not care about the world but enjoy the sound of the waves, breathe the fresh air, breathhhhhee  them all in.
Still admiring life and pretending to look around for the photo. Lol. Struggle when you don’t have a photographer with you.
Kudos to me though, how did I managed to take these photos alone? Tips? Rather not give you, these shots cost me so much. Be careful when you are travelling alone, at this same spot, my bag, camera was stolen from me. The worst part is, my passport and scooter key are inside the bag.
While I was out admiring the view, two guys were admiring my belongings too.
So be careful guys, don’t make the same mistake that I did, in short, don’t be stupid like me.
I wish I have just stayed at the hotel that day, or I wish I have just gone to another beach. When a handsome man rescued me from my little scooter accident a few minutes before those stolen bags happened, I wish I just called it a day.
But then,
What I regret the most is not being able to properly say thank you to that young man who helped me in my scooter situation, he might probably be from somewhere in Bingin, I’m not sure but if somewhere someone in this world will show this to you. Stefano, thank you, you are very kind, I should have asked you to grab a breakfast or something.
Maybe next time, I’ll come back to Bali.
Hang in there. It’s just Day 2.
Terrified the next morning, I’ve tried to pull myself up all together because I had a big day plan for myself. I moved from Ulutuwatu side to Seminyak, the most crowded side of Bali to meet my best friends and I’m finally not alone anymore.
Before all that, I went to visit an orphanage name “Jodie O’shea House”, my friend Edward and I talked about visiting orphanage everytime we visit one country, kinda way of giving back. It’s been a pleasure to be granted a schedule to meet the kids at the house, though we are not allowed to post any of the kid’s photos online I wanted you to know that they are open for donations, I will leave their contact information below for you to check out.
Nusa Penida, the new ‘IT‘ Place in Bali. You can’t leave Bali without seeing this island.
Trust me, that 40 minutes boat ride from Sanur, bumpy thrilling scooter ride, thirstiness, major sun burn will be all worth it.
Quoting Kim, ‘Never leave without a sun protection.’
In my defense, it’s okay, it’s Bali tan. 😊
Just a littles story out of this whole story, we’ve almost did not make it to Nusa Penida because we reserve a ticket on the way here a little bit late, we made it at exact noon in the island and all car rentals are out, we can’t drive scooter because it’s too risky and there’s no proper signs on the road.
So, we hired 3 strangers to drive us around, scary and risky but a little bit of trust never hurt nobody.
We made it alive though, even if we’ve lost count on how many times we’ve said. ‘If our parents knew what we are doing we’ll be dead.’.
3 hours back and forth around the island and not even more than 10 minutes at the Kelingking Beach, we literally were rushing the whole day. So, I say, if you want to visit Nusa Penida, plan it ahead or better yet stay at the island for 1 night so you get to really enjoy it.
Here you all have seen, the day when I finally met my family, that was Ricky (third photo). He’s a little bit disappointed on my visit but I tried to persuade him to talk to me.
If you are Instagrammy kind of girl, you would love Ubud. Every part of it. Every corner of it is IG worty, the jungle life, the culture, most amazing waterfalls are here, and so many great foods.
Never miss the Ubud Public Market, lovely stuff in there and in affordable prices.
So there you go!
I’m glad to finally finish this story that has been lying around my computer for almost two months now. Happy to share this experience and I will make a follow-up story on that accident, so wait up for that.
I wish I could have stayed longer, feels like my seven days is not enough to see Bali, there’s so much more to see, and still owe Stefano that breakfast.
One thing is for sure, I’ll come back. I’ll stay longer, I’ll find those two guys and punch them in the face. (Kidding) but on a real note, thank you Bali, you’ve brought youthfulness in my stay.
SPECIAL THANKS,
TO:
Boho Bingin Beach
‭+62 812 46964598‬
CONTACT JODIE O’SHEA
rio@ckabali.org
Thank you for taking time to read this, leave your comment below. Would love to hear from you 🙂
Love always,
lsme

The heartbreaks of going Abroad

A wise man, nope. Scratch that. A wise FRIEND once told me to write. Just write, write until it stops hurting…But, the problem is, I don’t know what is hurting.

It is no secret that I moved here to Dubai,  wrote a of couple insite about it, the things that I do, even the things that is keeping me out of here. What I haven’t written about is, the hurt that comes along with it.

Not being particular or anything but I will be sharing with you the heartbreaks of living abroad and why some people chose it to be this way. In my case. I am that “some people”.

You know, when we were younger, all we wanted is to be successful in life. Make a career, be famous in something, make a discovery, (nonsense) or at least be someone in general.

Some, might have achieved that elsewhere but there are still some out there trying to figure out the way out of that life.

Living abroad, means, leaving the life that you have at home, and creating  your own home somewhere else.While other say, “there is no place like home.” it’s true and I believe that. I happen to also believe that, home is not a place but rather a feeling, where you feel at ease, safe and yourself.

The heartbreak of going abroad is mixed emotions. First and foremost, you are lucky if you have a company. Could be a family, a friend or any companion. But, if you are doing this own your own like me, it could be really terrifying and probably sad at times.

When you have no one around you to comfort you the way certain people or things makes you feel back home. When you are all tired from working and coming home to an empty apartment trying to mend the feelings with takeouts. When, you had a really bad day and you just wanted to burst out but there is no one to offer you a shoulder. When special occasions that should be being celebrated with the people that you love and care about becomes a casual greetings. When there is so much going on in our life and you wanted to share those with them, but then again, there is no one around. Most of all, seeing them do and experience things without you. HEARTBREAKS.

A lot of people are telling me how brave I was for doing this. How, they admire the strength and willingness that I have. Little they didn’t know is that, I’ve been just trying to hold myself for so long. Trying so hard to hold on for something that I know someday will be worthy. I cry, when things gets so hard. On my own. When no one is around. Both hands wiping the endless tears that comes with all the heartbreaks and longingliness. I cry like a fragile thin wine glass waiting for someone to drank all my emotions and little bubbles that I have in mind. But I have to be strong for myself, I have to.

Love always,

lmse

Call your Friends and stop watching their stories from your mobile screen

So you call yourself friends with someone but you haven’t even drop a single message on their phone inbox for the last two years?

Great.

So you think you have communicated with them just because you watch their Instagram and Facebook stories?

No you did not.

It’s no secret that the internet world has taken over our lives. Like, how much time do we spend on our social media every day? But the thing is, it completely changed the way we think we communicate.

I have been using Social media for as long as I could remember. I’m no different to others. But that changed when I realized that a general post does not mean I’ve sent the message to the people that I wanted to receive it personally.

I was scrolling on my Instagram the other day, liking the photos of my friends, then I came to realization that, just because, I liked their post doesn’t mean I sent a message to them. That, just because I see what they post on social media, or I see their stories wherever they are, does not mean I know what they have been really doing. Just like what Zoella said in one of her blog, “I find myself endlessly scrolling through social media just to see what my friends are up to. In that instances I have to stop myself because I think it’s very easy to use social media as a way feeling you have interacted with someone but honestly you haven’t.”

So I stopped.

Reevaluate myself and I thought. What am I doing?

I could have just send a personal message to them and say “Hey, how are you? What are you been up to? or in our own language “Hi, Kamusta ka na? Anong balita sayo?” 

As simple as that.

Trust me, in today’s world. That could mean something to someone. Even just a “Hi”…but a call would be nice too you know.

Just don’t rely too much on things that you think you are doing but you really are not. It’s a hobby that is turning into something and we without us even knowing it’s already ruining our communication to people that we really care about.

love always,

lmse

Should I feel bad that I’m single at 23?

WhatsApp Image 2018-02-23 at 3.01.26 PM

5 feet tall, Asian, full time model booker and part time in a bit of everything between writing, photography, socially active, netflix freak. Delightfully? Single at 23?

I’m sitting outside of my apartment balcony, trying to figure out what to write. First I thought, maybe I should write something about places to visit in Dubai, because let’s be honest, most people are interested in everything that is related to travel, or I could also write a continuation of my sentimental post about leaving Dubai. But then, who cares about that? Except… well. No one. Haha

So I opened my Netflix, watch an episode of Friends in Season 8 episode five, if you are a fan shout out to you, you should know this, because if not, shame on you.

It’s Friday morning and I am sitting here alone trying to entertain myself, books out,laptop, a cup of coffee, and my earphones. Somewhere between being an adult it could be fun but if you are continually doing it and it’s happening almost all your weekends then we’ve got a  problem. Which me, obviously has a problem. I like to think this as my quiet time where I do something that I love to do and productive for myself  but then you know what, for the first time, I feel empty. Weird as I said it.

Something is missing I guess. Something is not right. I’m 23,I thought, and I am single. Is that bad? Should I be spending my days out running with a potential boyfriend? Or lying in bed all day with him? Is that a kind of day that I should be having?

There are many blogs, posts, stories written about it being okay to be single, being okay to take time for yourself, being okay to just enjoy your own company but at this point, right now, where did I fit in all of these?

Questions. Questions. AND MANY MORE QUESTIONS TO COME.

My bestfriend called me last week, about her recent break-up with her boyfriend, and I said, that is fine. You are okay, you will be okay, you’ll get over it, and for the meantime enjoy yourself first, because you’re young. Ironic huh? How stupid am I??? How do I know that and how can I say that when I’ve been single since “I don’t remember when”.

This millenial time is fucking us up, excuse the language and sorry for blaming the generation. But it is true. You open a Facebook you see everyone posting their love and affection to their partners, either that or a bunch of stupid but really funny videos haha of people acting stupid, then you go on your Twitter, there it is, another tweet about the love birds, so I guess, you will obviously will open your Instagram too and bam!!! All the sweetest photos and captions that you could possibly think of, right in your face, still you double click the photos but deep inside you are thinking, damn when am I gonna have that?

So you tell me, is it really okay to be single at this age? Somedays yes and some days are just “nah, Maybe, it’s just one of those days you know. Because at the end of the day, I know that I am happy, I know that there’s someone out there who is meant to be for me, corny and obnoxiously funny as it sounds, but yeah, I believe in that, and I’m okay.

I guess, all these pressure that I’m putting to myself will eventually go, it’s obviously better and much fun to do some crazy fun things with a partner but if you don’t have that, still try to enjoy what you have. Got great friends around, the freedom to decide things by yourself, the luxury to enjoy your time and it’s not like we are not trying. The right person will come along.

If you are single at 20’s. That’s great! It might get lonely sometimes, but still, it is great.

It is better to be alone, than be with someone who’s just going to be with you for the sake of the ride,  better to be alone, than be with someone who only loves the idea of you.

Love always,

lmse

A lot to be thankful for from the Year 2017

To my year of everything,

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I was disappointed when you came.

I’m sorry I didn’t show much attention to you when everyone was celebrating

I’m sorry I did not even bother to be thankful that you gave me another chance.

I’m sorry that I’ve taken for granted all the lessons you were trying to teach me.

I’m sorry that I was too eager to get over you and start all over again.

Lastly, I’m sorry that I only realize now when it’s almost over.

You have brought a humble beginning to my years of existence, you know what they say,

People appreciates what they’ve lost but not what they have.

I was blinded by my dreams, got too ambitious and entirely forgot if I fully lived you.

Could you blame?

You threw me surprises that are beyond my imagination.

I could have sworn if I get a penny everytime something happens to me I’d be a millionaire by now.

All your ups and downs,

moments of weakness,

disappointments and expectations,

everything that I went through,..

I get over it.  Didn’t I?

The days when everything was falling apart, when everything seems wrong, the days that I thought there was no way out… I made it, didn’t I?

And I’m still in that moment, I will go through it again for sure, there will be much bigger problems but I’d like to take this moment to thank you.

Thank you, because you have made me a stronger person. Fierce. Vulnerable and even more appreciative that I will ever be.

You kept in the ground so that I could appreciate what I’m stepping on. I’m so grateful for that.

I’m thankful for the love of my family, you kept them safe and healthy. That is even enough for me. The gift of friendship that is continuously growing. New friends that will be with me for more years to come and the good old friends that have been with me since day one. These are the things that matters the most. I could have not lasted a day without them, so thank you.

Perhaps, you are the eye opener, you boldly showed me my worth and what I deserve. In my search to a true meaning of happiness you unveil that it does not come easy, that I have to work for it every single time and most importantly that it does not come from anyone but right within me.

2017, I thank God the most for an extraordinary life. What a blessing it has been to be alive and be loved everyday.

You have been a blessing to everyone, I hope whoever is reading this is feeling the same.

 

Love always,

lmse 

 

 

 

 

Just because it’s not happening does not mean it won’t happen

Before I make this whole set of drama. I’d like to greet you a Merry Christmas and probably advance Happy New Year.

Might take another three months or even more before I post something again. Nonetheless, wherever you are and you might be, I hope you are having a wonderful holiday time with your family and love ones.

I decided to write this not because it’s almost New Year and being sentimental and all will be relevant but rather because I think all of us in early 20’s get this feeling of sudden disappointment in life.

To my friends, who think their life is not happening the way they wanted to.

To my colleagues and acquaintances, I see your tweets and posts.

To anyone whose life feels like a joke. Might as well make a show out of it and we will be there to give you applause while waving the cutout that says “SAME”.

All I’m saying is that. We all feel the same and everyone goes through it at this certain time of our lives. It is completely normal to not know what to do, to be completely clueless and utterly afraid. But believe me. It will happen. Not in a way that you expect it but in a surprising and maybe a life-changing way. Life is full of surprises after all. Hold on to it.

Just because everyone is getting their dream job, getting engage and married does not ever mean your moment will not come. No one has it all figured out. It takes time and a long way home of painful turn-downs and questionable decisions. What matters the most is what are you going to do about it? Be sad? Feel miserable? Or you’re gonna go out there and make it happen for yourself and at least try?

Think about it.

Being afraid will not take you places.

love, 

lmse

 

Okay lang, mahal ko yung sarili ko.

Sabi nila matapang daw ako. Sabi nila ang lakas daw ng loob ko. Sabi nila bilib daw sila sakin. Hindi. Mahal ko lang yung sarili ko.

It’s been five months now since I moved here in Dubai. Can’t beleive how time flies so fast like this, the last thing I remember I was at the airport hallway, carrying a yellow envelope on my right hand, green  suitcase on the other; waving goodbye to my beloved Dad. Looking back now, five months? Not even enough for people to say how brave I am. But I appreciate it, the thing is. I’m not. I’ve been back and forth for so many times, torn between Yes I wanted this and No this is not really want I want. Most heartbreaking part is, I accepted it in the end. Because you know what? I love myself like that.

Many would disagree but all I can say is. Kapag mahal mo yung sarili mo, alam mo kung anong makakapag pasaya sayo. Kung mahal mo yung sarili mo, hindi ka mag da-doubt sa sarili mo na kaya mo. Kung mahal mo yung sarili mo, kahit ilang beses kang nagpabalik-balik sa decision mo, alam mo pa rin yung deserve mo.

Hindi naman mahirap gawin. Kailangan mo lang tanggapin na may mga bagay na hindi mo kayang gawin, at may mga bagay na ikaw lang ang may kaya. Lalo na ang tanggapin mo na may oras lahat ng bagay. Kung para sayo, para sayo. Hindi ibig sabihin na hindi para sayo hindi mo deserve. Ibig sabihin lang may mas deserving ka. Saang aspeto ba? Sa work man yan, kaibigan or love life. Minsan kasi tayo pag hindi natin nakukuha yung isang bagay feeling natin pinagkakait na. Baka naman kasi dapat paghirapan lang bago mapasayo.

Okay lang. Basta alam mo sa sarili mo, tulad ng sinabi ko kanina. Alam mo yung deserve mo.

Eto simplehan lang natin, mga bagay na dapat mo sigurong marealize, okay lang mag disagree ka: As long as nagpapakatotoo ka 

1. Accept yourself. Una sa lahat, tanggapin mo muna yung sarili mo. Bago ang lahat, ikaw yan. Yan ka na. Isa pa, wala ng iba. Ilang beses pa ba dapat ulitin na kung ano mang pagkululang ang meron ka, tanggapin mo kasi that makes you YOU.

2. Don’t depend your happiness on others. Isang pagkakamali yung sinasabi nila na “Ikaw lang makakapag pasaya sakin.Kalokohan. Nakakapag laro ka nga ng barbie mag isa noon masaya ka naman di ba? Nakuha mo pang mag bahay-bahayan kahit may nagpapanggap lang na tatay di ba? Bakit nung tumanda ka kinalimutan mo na nagawa mong mapasaya yung sarili mo kahit mag isa ka? Bakit all of a sudden yung pagiging masaya mo depende na sa iba? Point is, kaya mo naman. Baka kasi ayaw mo lang.

3. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Baka masyado mong pine-pressure yung sarili mo sa expectations ng iba. Wag. Wag mong hayaan na malamangan ka ng “disappointing ka” sa “masaya kami para sayo”. 

4. Give yourself a break. Okay lang minsan mag breakdown ka. Umiyak ka. Magpaka subsub ka sa sakit. Mag lupasay ka. Okay lang. May mga moments talaga na gusto mo lonely lang yung feeling mo the whole day, or kung minsan trip mo lang mag paka-sad sa buhay. Naiintindihan kita. Pero, again, deserve mo yung happiness. Breath ka lang. Maybe these are bad days but remember this is not a bad life.

5. Believe in yourself. Yes. Wala ng iba. Wala ng ibang tutulong sayo kundi ikaw. Sa totoong buhay, ikaw at ikaw lang talaga ang makakatulong sa sarili mo. Paniwalaan mo yung kakayanan mo, tanggapin mo yung kahinaan mo. Work hard sa mga bagay na gusto mo talaga, pag gusto may paraan. Pag binigay mo yung puso mo sa isang bagay make sure na kaya mo yung bigat. Sa totoo lang wala ng mas sasarap sa feeling na sobrang hirap pero nagawa mo, kasi nag tiwala ka sa sarili mo. Iba yon. Yun yung hindi matutumbasan ng kahit na ano. Yung nasa baba ka na, down na down na. Pero alam mo sarili mo na kaya mo at magagawa mo.

Hindi ko alam, kasi hindi naman lahat tayo parehas ng situation. Para sakin lang ha baka there’s someone somewhere who’s going  through the same thing that I did. 

Hoping at some point, it might help. I know some of my friends will. I’m here for you, no matter how big a situtaion is; life must go on and trust that everything will fall into places one day. 

Share your thoughts. I’d be happy to know what you think.

All the love that I could give,

Lmse 💖