The heartbreaks of going Abroad

A wise man, nope. Scratch that. A wise FRIEND once told me to write. Just write, write until it stops hurting…But, the problem is, I don’t know what is hurting.

It is no secret that I moved here to Dubai,  wrote a of couple insite about it, the things that I do, even the things that is keeping me out of here. What I haven’t written about is, the hurt that comes along with it.

Not being particular or anything but I will be sharing with you the heartbreaks of living abroad and why some people chose it to be this way. In my case. I am that “some people”.

You know, when we were younger, all we wanted is to be successful in life. Make a career, be famous in something, make a discovery, (nonsense) or at least be someone in general.

Some, might have achieved that elsewhere but there are still some out there trying to figure out the way out of that life.

Living abroad, means, leaving the life that you have at home, and creating  your own home somewhere else.While other say, “there is no place like home.” it’s true and I believe that. I happen to also believe that, home is not a place but rather a feeling, where you feel at ease, safe and yourself.

The heartbreak of going abroad is mixed emotions. First and foremost, you are lucky if you have a company. Could be a family, a friend or any companion. But, if you are doing this own your own like me, it could be really terrifying and probably sad at times.

When you have no one around you to comfort you the way certain people or things makes you feel back home. When you are all tired from working and coming home to an empty apartment trying to mend the feelings with takeouts. When, you had a really bad day and you just wanted to burst out but there is no one to offer you a shoulder. When special occasions that should be being celebrated with the people that you love and care about becomes a casual greetings. When there is so much going on in our life and you wanted to share those with them, but then again, there is no one around. Most of all, seeing them do and experience things without you. HEARTBREAKS.

A lot of people are telling me how brave I was for doing this. How, they admire the strength and willingness that I have. Little they didn’t know is that, I’ve been just trying to hold myself for so long. Trying so hard to hold on for something that I know someday will be worthy. I cry, when things gets so hard. On my own. When no one is around. Both hands wiping the endless tears that comes with all the heartbreaks and longingliness. I cry like a fragile thin wine glass waiting for someone to drank all my emotions and little bubbles that I have in mind. But I have to be strong for myself, I have to.

Love always,

lmse

Advertisements

Call your Friends and stop watching their stories from your mobile screen

So you call yourself friends with someone but you haven’t even drop a single message on their phone inbox for the last two years?

Great.

So you think you have communicated with them just because you watch their Instagram and Facebook stories?

No you did not.

It’s no secret that the internet world has taken over our lives. Like, how much time do we spend on our social media every day? But the thing is, it completely changed the way we think we communicate.

I have been using Social media for as long as I could remember. I’m no different to others. But that changed when I realized that a general post does not mean I’ve sent the message to the people that I wanted to receive it personally.

I was scrolling on my Instagram the other day, liking the photos of my friends, then I came to realization that, just because, I liked their post doesn’t mean I sent a message to them. That, just because I see what they post on social media, or I see their stories wherever they are, does not mean I know what they have been really doing. Just like what Zoella said in one of her blog, “I find myself endlessly scrolling through social media just to see what my friends are up to. In that instances I have to stop myself because I think it’s very easy to use social media as a way feeling you have interacted with someone but honestly you haven’t.”

So I stopped.

Reevaluate myself and I thought. What am I doing?

I could have just send a personal message to them and say “Hey, how are you? What are you been up to? or in our own language “Hi, Kamusta ka na? Anong balita sayo?” 

As simple as that.

Trust me, in today’s world. That could mean something to someone. Even just a “Hi”…but a call would be nice too you know.

Just don’t rely too much on things that you think you are doing but you really are not. It’s a hobby that is turning into something and we without us even knowing it’s already ruining our communication to people that we really care about.

love always,

lmse

Should I feel bad that I’m single at 23?

WhatsApp Image 2018-02-23 at 3.01.26 PM

5 feet tall, Asian, full time model booker and part time in a bit of everything between writing, photography, socially active, netflix freak. Delightfully? Single at 23?

I’m sitting outside of my apartment balcony, trying to figure out what to write. First I thought, maybe I should write something about places to visit in Dubai, because let’s be honest, most people are interested in everything that is related to travel, or I could also write a continuation of my sentimental post about leaving Dubai. But then, who cares about that? Except… well. No one. Haha

So I opened my Netflix, watch an episode of Friends in Season 8 episode five, if you are a fan shout out to you, you should know this, because if not, shame on you.

It’s Friday morning and I am sitting here alone trying to entertain myself, books out,laptop, a cup of coffee, and my earphones. Somewhere between being an adult it could be fun but if you are continually doing it and it’s happening almost all your weekends then we’ve got a  problem. Which me, obviously has a problem. I like to think this as my quiet time where I do something that I love to do and productive for myself  but then you know what, for the first time, I feel empty. Weird as I said it.

Something is missing I guess. Something is not right. I’m 23,I thought, and I am single. Is that bad? Should I be spending my days out running with a potential boyfriend? Or lying in bed all day with him? Is that a kind of day that I should be having?

There are many blogs, posts, stories written about it being okay to be single, being okay to take time for yourself, being okay to just enjoy your own company but at this point, right now, where did I fit in all of these?

Questions. Questions. AND MANY MORE QUESTIONS TO COME.

My bestfriend called me last week, about her recent break-up with her boyfriend, and I said, that is fine. You are okay, you will be okay, you’ll get over it, and for the meantime enjoy yourself first, because you’re young. Ironic huh? How stupid am I??? How do I know that and how can I say that when I’ve been single since “I don’t remember when”.

This millenial time is fucking us up, excuse the language and sorry for blaming the generation. But it is true. You open a Facebook you see everyone posting their love and affection to their partners, either that or a bunch of stupid but really funny videos haha of people acting stupid, then you go on your Twitter, there it is, another tweet about the love birds, so I guess, you will obviously will open your Instagram too and bam!!! All the sweetest photos and captions that you could possibly think of, right in your face, still you double click the photos but deep inside you are thinking, damn when am I gonna have that?

So you tell me, is it really okay to be single at this age? Somedays yes and some days are just “nah, Maybe, it’s just one of those days you know. Because at the end of the day, I know that I am happy, I know that there’s someone out there who is meant to be for me, corny and obnoxiously funny as it sounds, but yeah, I believe in that, and I’m okay.

I guess, all these pressure that I’m putting to myself will eventually go, it’s obviously better and much fun to do some crazy fun things with a partner but if you don’t have that, still try to enjoy what you have. Got great friends around, the freedom to decide things by yourself, the luxury to enjoy your time and it’s not like we are not trying. The right person will come along.

If you are single at 20’s. That’s great! It might get lonely sometimes, but still, it is great.

It is better to be alone, than be with someone who’s just going to be with you for the sake of the ride,  better to be alone, than be with someone who only loves the idea of you.

Love always,

lmse

Time to leave you Dubai

IMG_4101

I couldn’t quite figure out until now after a year and a half of living here in Dubai, why on earth? Did I come here in the first place?

I remember having a plan. A vision of myself in a next few years to come. But then, where is it now?

I am going home. I feel like it is time.

I know for a fact that I will never make it here, atleast not the way I wanted to. Sure I have loved the life that I make, the memories, lessons and all the amazing places and shared culture of UAE that i’ve seen and witnessed, not to mention all the wonderful people that I met. What a journey and truly an upbringing place…But sadly not for everyone and definitely not for me.

I was too ambitious obviously. But is that too much to think of? Dubai is such a rich country, in culture, tradition and for rich people. There I said it. To be honest, I can work here in the next 10 years but it will all be the same for me. The lifestyle to live and enjoy Dubai is way too expensive. You make money here you spend it double in here, I guess that’s how it goes and that is how it will always be.

I can just imagine after 2020 what it will be like, with all these buildings and constructions, Dubai will be the next big thing, but then, what’s  next after that?

Time to leave Dubai, go home to my own country, where we don’t discriminate base on gender and nationality. Where your worth matters, the things you’ve done without being judged by your resume picture. Third world class country full of love and kindness to anyone, local or tourist.

I failed, and needs to be reminded that it is okay. So, I am going home.

I love you Dubai, with all my heart.

 

lmse

A lot to be thankful for from the Year 2017

To my year of everything,

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I was disappointed when you came.

I’m sorry I didn’t show much attention to you when everyone was celebrating

I’m sorry I did not even bother to be thankful that you gave me another chance.

I’m sorry that I’ve taken for granted all the lessons you were trying to teach me.

I’m sorry that I was too eager to get over you and start all over again.

Lastly, I’m sorry that I only realize now when it’s almost over.

You have brought a humble beginning to my years of existence, you know what they say,

People appreciates what they’ve lost but not what they have.

I was blinded by my dreams, got too ambitious and entirely forgot if I fully lived you.

Could you blame?

You threw me surprises that are beyond my imagination.

I could have sworn if I get a penny everytime something happens to me I’d be a millionaire by now.

All your ups and downs,

moments of weakness,

disappointments and expectations,

everything that I went through,..

I get over it.  Didn’t I?

The days when everything was falling apart, when everything seems wrong, the days that I thought there was no way out… I made it, didn’t I?

And I’m still in that moment, I will go through it again for sure, there will be much bigger problems but I’d like to take this moment to thank you.

Thank you, because you have made me a stronger person. Fierce. Vulnerable and even more appreciative that I will ever be.

You kept in the ground so that I could appreciate what I’m stepping on. I’m so grateful for that.

I’m thankful for the love of my family, you kept them safe and healthy. That is even enough for me. The gift of friendship that is continuously growing. New friends that will be with me for more years to come and the good old friends that have been with me since day one. These are the things that matters the most. I could have not lasted a day without them, so thank you.

Perhaps, you are the eye opener, you boldly showed me my worth and what I deserve. In my search to a true meaning of happiness you unveil that it does not come easy, that I have to work for it every single time and most importantly that it does not come from anyone but right within me.

2017, I thank God the most for an extraordinary life. What a blessing it has been to be alive and be loved everyday.

You have been a blessing to everyone, I hope whoever is reading this is feeling the same.

 

Love always,

lmse 

 

 

 

 

Just because it’s not happening does not mean it won’t happen

Before I make this whole set of drama. I’d like to greet you a Merry Christmas and probably advance Happy New Year.

Might take another three months or even more before I post something again. Nonetheless, wherever you are and you might be, I hope you are having a wonderful holiday time with your family and love ones.

I decided to write this not because it’s almost New Year and being sentimental and all will be relevant but rather because I think all of us in early 20’s get this feeling of sudden disappointment in life.

To my friends, who think their life is not happening the way they wanted to.

To my colleagues and acquaintances, I see your tweets and posts.

To anyone whose life feels like a joke. Might as well make a show out of it and we will be there to give you applause while waving the cutout that says “SAME”.

All I’m saying is that. We all feel the same and everyone goes through it at this certain time of our lives. It is completely normal to not know what to do, to be completely clueless and utterly afraid. But believe me. It will happen. Not in a way that you expect it but in a surprising and maybe a life-changing way. Life is full of surprises after all. Hold on to it.

Just because everyone is getting their dream job, getting engage and married does not ever mean your moment will not come. No one has it all figured out. It takes time and a long way home of painful turn-downs and questionable decisions. What matters the most is what are you going to do about it? Be sad? Feel miserable? Or you’re gonna go out there and make it happen for yourself and at least try?

Think about it.

Being afraid will not take you places.

love, 

lmse

 

Caramoan: A place worth falling in-love with

About a month ago when I had one of the best travel experience of my life when my friends and I took a three days and 2 nights vacation in Camaoan. While I said it’s a place worth falling in-love with. Truth is… It definitely is and you should book your flight tickets now to Naga and visit this paradise.

I started obsessing about Caramoan when I was in fourth year college and I never stopped even after graduation. I even told myself I’m gonna visit this place someday. Then, here we are and it’s more than I have ever dreamed of. To be honest, I think this could be my happy place.

For those of you who don’t know. Caramoan is where Survivor Series are filming. Some of the best Islands where closed due to the filming but that did not stop us nor the cloudy days to explore and see what this peaceful place has to offer. 

It felt like being in two places at once. Taste of Batanes and a view of Palawan.

Tip 1: I know people say the best time to visit is during April-May. But I’d say, June works out the best because there’s not a lot of tourist and the weather is just right. 

Tip 2: Do this when you’re doing the Island hopping. Sit at the end of the boat with your friends/family. Just chill. Admire your view and forget about the pictures. See the beautiful place that’s just right in front of you. (You can even sing with your friends/family. Imagine you are floating in the water with nothing but great views and good times with your loved ones). You can thank me later 😉

A big thanks to Tugawe Cove Resort for accomodating us througout our stay. I’m coming back in the summer that’s for sure. 

All the love,

Lmse 💖

Okay lang, mahal ko yung sarili ko.

Sabi nila matapang daw ako. Sabi nila ang lakas daw ng loob ko. Sabi nila bilib daw sila sakin. Hindi. Mahal ko lang yung sarili ko.

It’s been five months now since I moved here in Dubai. Can’t beleive how time flies so fast like this, the last thing I remember I was at the airport hallway, carrying a yellow envelope on my right hand, green  suitcase on the other; waving goodbye to my beloved Dad. Looking back now, five months? Not even enough for people to say how brave I am. But I appreciate it, the thing is. I’m not. I’ve been back and forth for so many times, torn between Yes I wanted this and No this is not really want I want. Most heartbreaking part is, I accepted it in the end. Because you know what? I love myself like that.

Many would disagree but all I can say is. Kapag mahal mo yung sarili mo, alam mo kung anong makakapag pasaya sayo. Kung mahal mo yung sarili mo, hindi ka mag da-doubt sa sarili mo na kaya mo. Kung mahal mo yung sarili mo, kahit ilang beses kang nagpabalik-balik sa decision mo, alam mo pa rin yung deserve mo.

Hindi naman mahirap gawin. Kailangan mo lang tanggapin na may mga bagay na hindi mo kayang gawin, at may mga bagay na ikaw lang ang may kaya. Lalo na ang tanggapin mo na may oras lahat ng bagay. Kung para sayo, para sayo. Hindi ibig sabihin na hindi para sayo hindi mo deserve. Ibig sabihin lang may mas deserving ka. Saang aspeto ba? Sa work man yan, kaibigan or love life. Minsan kasi tayo pag hindi natin nakukuha yung isang bagay feeling natin pinagkakait na. Baka naman kasi dapat paghirapan lang bago mapasayo.

Okay lang. Basta alam mo sa sarili mo, tulad ng sinabi ko kanina. Alam mo yung deserve mo.

Eto simplehan lang natin, mga bagay na dapat mo sigurong marealize, okay lang mag disagree ka: As long as nagpapakatotoo ka 

1. Accept yourself. Una sa lahat, tanggapin mo muna yung sarili mo. Bago ang lahat, ikaw yan. Yan ka na. Isa pa, wala ng iba. Ilang beses pa ba dapat ulitin na kung ano mang pagkululang ang meron ka, tanggapin mo kasi that makes you YOU.

2. Don’t depend your happiness on others. Isang pagkakamali yung sinasabi nila na “Ikaw lang makakapag pasaya sakin.Kalokohan. Nakakapag laro ka nga ng barbie mag isa noon masaya ka naman di ba? Nakuha mo pang mag bahay-bahayan kahit may nagpapanggap lang na tatay di ba? Bakit nung tumanda ka kinalimutan mo na nagawa mong mapasaya yung sarili mo kahit mag isa ka? Bakit all of a sudden yung pagiging masaya mo depende na sa iba? Point is, kaya mo naman. Baka kasi ayaw mo lang.

3. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Baka masyado mong pine-pressure yung sarili mo sa expectations ng iba. Wag. Wag mong hayaan na malamangan ka ng “disappointing ka” sa “masaya kami para sayo”. 

4. Give yourself a break. Okay lang minsan mag breakdown ka. Umiyak ka. Magpaka subsub ka sa sakit. Mag lupasay ka. Okay lang. May mga moments talaga na gusto mo lonely lang yung feeling mo the whole day, or kung minsan trip mo lang mag paka-sad sa buhay. Naiintindihan kita. Pero, again, deserve mo yung happiness. Breath ka lang. Maybe these are bad days but remember this is not a bad life.

5. Believe in yourself. Yes. Wala ng iba. Wala ng ibang tutulong sayo kundi ikaw. Sa totoong buhay, ikaw at ikaw lang talaga ang makakatulong sa sarili mo. Paniwalaan mo yung kakayanan mo, tanggapin mo yung kahinaan mo. Work hard sa mga bagay na gusto mo talaga, pag gusto may paraan. Pag binigay mo yung puso mo sa isang bagay make sure na kaya mo yung bigat. Sa totoo lang wala ng mas sasarap sa feeling na sobrang hirap pero nagawa mo, kasi nag tiwala ka sa sarili mo. Iba yon. Yun yung hindi matutumbasan ng kahit na ano. Yung nasa baba ka na, down na down na. Pero alam mo sarili mo na kaya mo at magagawa mo.

Hindi ko alam, kasi hindi naman lahat tayo parehas ng situation. Para sakin lang ha baka there’s someone somewhere who’s going  through the same thing that I did. 

Hoping at some point, it might help. I know some of my friends will. I’m here for you, no matter how big a situtaion is; life must go on and trust that everything will fall into places one day. 

Share your thoughts. I’d be happy to know what you think.

All the love that I could give,

Lmse 💖

LIFE and SOUL of a PARTY

           
      

Have you ever tried to look back in your life and realized that you are living it painfully ordinary? It is one of my biggest fear. I don’t want that. I dont want that to anyone. I don’t want to see myself 40 or 50 years from now full of regrets. Wishing I could just go back in time and repeat all the things that I’ve missed, all my do’s and don’ts.  I don’t think I could ever handle that. So as much as I can, as long as there are possibilities I really tried to to put myself up there even if how stupid and embarrassing I look because for me, that’s the fun part. 

I am not encouring young people to do stupid things just to prove this to themselves. All I am saying is, it is okay to have fun to live your life, to make the best out of it, to create memories that you can treasure for as long as you can. These are precious and can’t be bought. You have a flexible life, you can do anything that you want for as long as you go for it. Life is amazing you don’t want to waste it doing nothing. 

Say you have school works to do, a deadline that has to be submitted but it does not mean you don’t have time for yourslef. Trust me you have a lot of time, a lot a lot actually, you just don’t know what to do with it so sometimes you ended up doing nothing and the next thing you know it passed by as quick as a raindrop. Your time does not have to be in a black and white party (I put them only to have pictures) it could be anything with friends or family. 

Just try to put a life that is worth remembering. Imagine when you turn 80 and you wanted to think about your pass life, atleast then you won’t see it in white or black.

DAWN OF A NEW BEGINNING

Aloha lovelies!

Being in an event company means having to work on Sundays and even holidays. There’s no definite time of hours, no break,  only ten cup of coffee and a rewarding feeling after you’ve accomplished your work. It is really a tough job that I have to give all my patience and energy for me to succeed in something. With it, is also the undying pleasure of failures and sometimes, I mean most of the time I feel like a walking zombie… alive but dead. Despite all the pain and madness I know that by far this is the most rewarding moment of life and I am grateful for it not only it made me stronger but it showed me the braver version of myself.

Allow me to take you in this journey and let me show you how a concept became an event. I am Little Miss Special Events and I don’t know what I’m doing.

Next on my journey:

Pinto Art Museum
Pinto Art Museum

Ria @ 18 shoot for winter in May.