Time to start doing what you Love to do

A few days ago, one of my colleague asked me if what was my ultimate childhood dream? I could not answer for few minutes, and she was like “C’mon you must have something you’d like to be when you were a kid.” For sure there is, as confused as I was, I thought  of it.

There was a time that I wanted to be a teacher, like my other sisters, and then at ten, I wanted to be a fashion designer, but my drawings were so bad, so I have to dropped that one. Anyway, growing up, I guess, you will eventually figure out what you want.

High school days, I was so fascinated with photography and writings, I was quite competitive back then, joining every single photojournalism contests in school, and never even once won the first place. Bummer. They say, ‘never say never’. Because it’s one big reason why I took Mass Communication. Although my Dad (Dad I love you for doing this) tried to push me into Accounting but lets just say, true friends would know how bad I am at Math. (First semester all failed, I’m seriously not good in anything, I feel) so if people ask me, what is my talent? I’ll just simply say that I’m friendly. Resume, Talent: Friendly.

Officially, I grew so much love into photography and writing in university, until all my dreams became real to me, what I really wanted to be is a to be a Film Director, to tell real stories.  I dream of one day writing my own screenplay and be able to produce an Independent Film.

That’s it.  That’s my dream. Seems simple to be back then until life gets into me. Adulthood, is a real thing. Before I don’t care about this, didn’t even think where am I getting my fund for this film? How am I even gonna start? Where and when can I start?  Reality is not that easy.

I got a job in an events company after graduating in college, little did I know it will change the way I think and the way I see myself. I still want to be that Film Director and that screenplay writer. But I also need security for myself, and that time, all I have is that stable job, little did I know the passion I have for the things that I’d love to do is slowly disappearing.

I see my friends who struggle for a long time, stressing over work, just like us, fighting the battle that no one ever hold off. Between stability over passion? My question is, why can’t we have both? Some of us, are lucky enough to do the work they love, and some of us, just aren’t. These friends of mine inspire me everyday, to push forward and have belief.

So, I’d say, if you know what you love to do but unable to do so right now, start at something to make it happen. Right now, I am working on this WordPress, I got no readers except for my ever loyal friends, (wink to five of you, you know who you are). But that does not matter, it means I am doing something that will make me feel alive. Somehow, I find it very helpful.

I am scared that I might look back 10 years from now and realize that I did not even try. (*You don’t want to disappoint your future self like that*). Any dream, is worth the effort, the hard work and a long queue of not giving up until it happen. Some may take long, some might be happening and living the dream right now, if you are, please appreciate it and never take it for granted. I hope you find inspiration and the drive to have it fulfill, for your future self, and for that childhood dreams that were pure and meaningful.

Baby steps and start at something.

Something beautiful is on its way.

My inbox is open, my email is heidibolisayatgmaildotcom talk to me if you want to, maybe we can share the same thoughts, help each other or just simple talk.

If you’re struggling with the same, I would love to hear from you.

Till next time.

 

Love always,

lmse

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The heartbreaks of going Abroad

A wise man, nope. Scratch that. A wise FRIEND once told me to write. Just write, write until it stops hurting…But, the problem is, I don’t know what is hurting.

It is no secret that I moved here to Dubai,  wrote a of couple insite about it, the things that I do, even the things that is keeping me out of here. What I haven’t written about is, the hurt that comes along with it.

Not being particular or anything but I will be sharing with you the heartbreaks of living abroad and why some people chose it to be this way. In my case. I am that “some people”.

You know, when we were younger, all we wanted is to be successful in life. Make a career, be famous in something, make a discovery, (nonsense) or at least be someone in general.

Some, might have achieved that elsewhere but there are still some out there trying to figure out the way out of that life.

Living abroad, means, leaving the life that you have at home, and creating  your own home somewhere else.While other say, “there is no place like home.” it’s true and I believe that. I happen to also believe that, home is not a place but rather a feeling, where you feel at ease, safe and yourself.

The heartbreak of going abroad is mixed emotions. First and foremost, you are lucky if you have a company. Could be a family, a friend or any companion. But, if you are doing this own your own like me, it could be really terrifying and probably sad at times.

When you have no one around you to comfort you the way certain people or things makes you feel back home. When you are all tired from working and coming home to an empty apartment trying to mend the feelings with takeouts. When, you had a really bad day and you just wanted to burst out but there is no one to offer you a shoulder. When special occasions that should be being celebrated with the people that you love and care about becomes a casual greetings. When there is so much going on in our life and you wanted to share those with them, but then again, there is no one around. Most of all, seeing them do and experience things without you. HEARTBREAKS.

A lot of people are telling me how brave I was for doing this. How, they admire the strength and willingness that I have. Little they didn’t know is that, I’ve been just trying to hold myself for so long. Trying so hard to hold on for something that I know someday will be worthy. I cry, when things gets so hard. On my own. When no one is around. Both hands wiping the endless tears that comes with all the heartbreaks and longingliness. I cry like a fragile thin wine glass waiting for someone to drank all my emotions and little bubbles that I have in mind. But I have to be strong for myself, I have to.

Love always,

lmse

A lot to be thankful for from the Year 2017

To my year of everything,

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I was disappointed when you came.

I’m sorry I didn’t show much attention to you when everyone was celebrating

I’m sorry I did not even bother to be thankful that you gave me another chance.

I’m sorry that I’ve taken for granted all the lessons you were trying to teach me.

I’m sorry that I was too eager to get over you and start all over again.

Lastly, I’m sorry that I only realize now when it’s almost over.

You have brought a humble beginning to my years of existence, you know what they say,

People appreciates what they’ve lost but not what they have.

I was blinded by my dreams, got too ambitious and entirely forgot if I fully lived you.

Could you blame?

You threw me surprises that are beyond my imagination.

I could have sworn if I get a penny everytime something happens to me I’d be a millionaire by now.

All your ups and downs,

moments of weakness,

disappointments and expectations,

everything that I went through,..

I get over it.  Didn’t I?

The days when everything was falling apart, when everything seems wrong, the days that I thought there was no way out… I made it, didn’t I?

And I’m still in that moment, I will go through it again for sure, there will be much bigger problems but I’d like to take this moment to thank you.

Thank you, because you have made me a stronger person. Fierce. Vulnerable and even more appreciative that I will ever be.

You kept in the ground so that I could appreciate what I’m stepping on. I’m so grateful for that.

I’m thankful for the love of my family, you kept them safe and healthy. That is even enough for me. The gift of friendship that is continuously growing. New friends that will be with me for more years to come and the good old friends that have been with me since day one. These are the things that matters the most. I could have not lasted a day without them, so thank you.

Perhaps, you are the eye opener, you boldly showed me my worth and what I deserve. In my search to a true meaning of happiness you unveil that it does not come easy, that I have to work for it every single time and most importantly that it does not come from anyone but right within me.

2017, I thank God the most for an extraordinary life. What a blessing it has been to be alive and be loved everyday.

You have been a blessing to everyone, I hope whoever is reading this is feeling the same.

 

Love always,

lmse 

 

 

 

 

Okay lang, mahal ko yung sarili ko.

Sabi nila matapang daw ako. Sabi nila ang lakas daw ng loob ko. Sabi nila bilib daw sila sakin. Hindi. Mahal ko lang yung sarili ko.

It’s been five months now since I moved here in Dubai. Can’t beleive how time flies so fast like this, the last thing I remember I was at the airport hallway, carrying a yellow envelope on my right hand, green  suitcase on the other; waving goodbye to my beloved Dad. Looking back now, five months? Not even enough for people to say how brave I am. But I appreciate it, the thing is. I’m not. I’ve been back and forth for so many times, torn between Yes I wanted this and No this is not really want I want. Most heartbreaking part is, I accepted it in the end. Because you know what? I love myself like that.

Many would disagree but all I can say is. Kapag mahal mo yung sarili mo, alam mo kung anong makakapag pasaya sayo. Kung mahal mo yung sarili mo, hindi ka mag da-doubt sa sarili mo na kaya mo. Kung mahal mo yung sarili mo, kahit ilang beses kang nagpabalik-balik sa decision mo, alam mo pa rin yung deserve mo.

Hindi naman mahirap gawin. Kailangan mo lang tanggapin na may mga bagay na hindi mo kayang gawin, at may mga bagay na ikaw lang ang may kaya. Lalo na ang tanggapin mo na may oras lahat ng bagay. Kung para sayo, para sayo. Hindi ibig sabihin na hindi para sayo hindi mo deserve. Ibig sabihin lang may mas deserving ka. Saang aspeto ba? Sa work man yan, kaibigan or love life. Minsan kasi tayo pag hindi natin nakukuha yung isang bagay feeling natin pinagkakait na. Baka naman kasi dapat paghirapan lang bago mapasayo.

Okay lang. Basta alam mo sa sarili mo, tulad ng sinabi ko kanina. Alam mo yung deserve mo.

Eto simplehan lang natin, mga bagay na dapat mo sigurong marealize, okay lang mag disagree ka: As long as nagpapakatotoo ka 

1. Accept yourself. Una sa lahat, tanggapin mo muna yung sarili mo. Bago ang lahat, ikaw yan. Yan ka na. Isa pa, wala ng iba. Ilang beses pa ba dapat ulitin na kung ano mang pagkululang ang meron ka, tanggapin mo kasi that makes you YOU.

2. Don’t depend your happiness on others. Isang pagkakamali yung sinasabi nila na “Ikaw lang makakapag pasaya sakin.Kalokohan. Nakakapag laro ka nga ng barbie mag isa noon masaya ka naman di ba? Nakuha mo pang mag bahay-bahayan kahit may nagpapanggap lang na tatay di ba? Bakit nung tumanda ka kinalimutan mo na nagawa mong mapasaya yung sarili mo kahit mag isa ka? Bakit all of a sudden yung pagiging masaya mo depende na sa iba? Point is, kaya mo naman. Baka kasi ayaw mo lang.

3. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Baka masyado mong pine-pressure yung sarili mo sa expectations ng iba. Wag. Wag mong hayaan na malamangan ka ng “disappointing ka” sa “masaya kami para sayo”. 

4. Give yourself a break. Okay lang minsan mag breakdown ka. Umiyak ka. Magpaka subsub ka sa sakit. Mag lupasay ka. Okay lang. May mga moments talaga na gusto mo lonely lang yung feeling mo the whole day, or kung minsan trip mo lang mag paka-sad sa buhay. Naiintindihan kita. Pero, again, deserve mo yung happiness. Breath ka lang. Maybe these are bad days but remember this is not a bad life.

5. Believe in yourself. Yes. Wala ng iba. Wala ng ibang tutulong sayo kundi ikaw. Sa totoong buhay, ikaw at ikaw lang talaga ang makakatulong sa sarili mo. Paniwalaan mo yung kakayanan mo, tanggapin mo yung kahinaan mo. Work hard sa mga bagay na gusto mo talaga, pag gusto may paraan. Pag binigay mo yung puso mo sa isang bagay make sure na kaya mo yung bigat. Sa totoo lang wala ng mas sasarap sa feeling na sobrang hirap pero nagawa mo, kasi nag tiwala ka sa sarili mo. Iba yon. Yun yung hindi matutumbasan ng kahit na ano. Yung nasa baba ka na, down na down na. Pero alam mo sarili mo na kaya mo at magagawa mo.

Hindi ko alam, kasi hindi naman lahat tayo parehas ng situation. Para sakin lang ha baka there’s someone somewhere who’s going  through the same thing that I did. 

Hoping at some point, it might help. I know some of my friends will. I’m here for you, no matter how big a situtaion is; life must go on and trust that everything will fall into places one day. 

Share your thoughts. I’d be happy to know what you think.

All the love that I could give,

Lmse 💖

LIFE and SOUL of a PARTY

           
      

Have you ever tried to look back in your life and realized that you are living it painfully ordinary? It is one of my biggest fear. I don’t want that. I dont want that to anyone. I don’t want to see myself 40 or 50 years from now full of regrets. Wishing I could just go back in time and repeat all the things that I’ve missed, all my do’s and don’ts.  I don’t think I could ever handle that. So as much as I can, as long as there are possibilities I really tried to to put myself up there even if how stupid and embarrassing I look because for me, that’s the fun part. 

I am not encouring young people to do stupid things just to prove this to themselves. All I am saying is, it is okay to have fun to live your life, to make the best out of it, to create memories that you can treasure for as long as you can. These are precious and can’t be bought. You have a flexible life, you can do anything that you want for as long as you go for it. Life is amazing you don’t want to waste it doing nothing. 

Say you have school works to do, a deadline that has to be submitted but it does not mean you don’t have time for yourslef. Trust me you have a lot of time, a lot a lot actually, you just don’t know what to do with it so sometimes you ended up doing nothing and the next thing you know it passed by as quick as a raindrop. Your time does not have to be in a black and white party (I put them only to have pictures) it could be anything with friends or family. 

Just try to put a life that is worth remembering. Imagine when you turn 80 and you wanted to think about your pass life, atleast then you won’t see it in white or black.